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Does a mother have to have a reason?”In most lives, it happens maybe once or twice that insanity feels more attractive than keeping your wits about you. In Lucian’s bizarre life there’d been a lot of such moments, but this one still stole the show.His mother’s wish was so absurd, and yet such a travesty of his deepest longings, that he could only respond by laughing, crying and screaming all at once.He grabbed her shoulders again, pushed his face into hers and screamed at the top of his lungs. Whore, he screamed, he guessed, and monster, and bitch, of course, and whore again, by lack of better. But it didn’t matter which words he chose, they were all just cannon fodder for his exploding insanity.When all his energy was spilled, he sagged against her, sobbing.“I’m ... I’m sorry,” his mother whispered.The words woke him from his stupor. He rose and looked down on her, studying her phony face.“No,” he said, his voice calm again. “No mother, you know that is a lie, and you don’t come. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.'The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.'The priest thought long and hard and then said,'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.' The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.'Catholic DogMuldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked,'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to.
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